Continued Reading…

The clergy sexual abuse in the news recently refers mostly to the abuse of young boys by the male clergy. The reality is that women are often (men are occasionally) victims of sexual abuse and professional exploitation by pastors, ministers and clergy, as well as other professional caregivers, instructors and mentors. In fact, some studies have shown that abuse of adult women by clergy is even more prevalent than the abuse of children by clergy!

We aim to bring to light the clergy sexual abuse situation as it relates to female victims, and to provide courage, strength, hope and healing through God’s love and mercy.

Words like “adultery,” “affair,” “relationship,” etc., typically take the forefront when an adult is abused. Let’s be clear: You are not having an affair with your pastor. These are improper words to describe what happens in this type of situation. The “relationship” between a pastor and his congregant (or counselor/counselee, etc.) is NOT an “affair”—it is ABUSE. Due to the imbalance of power in the relationship between Pastor/Congregant (Teacher/Student, Counselor/Counselee, etc.), there can be no mutual consent to any type of intimate behavior or sexual activity. In fact, a woman who has been victimized in the past (either during her childhood or in other ways) may find that she is, in effect, virtually UNABLE to WITHHOLD consent. She may feel, due to circumstances, that she is not free to refuse any unwanted sexual advances. In reality, she may be subconsciously re-enacting her earlier abuse (by someone else) in the situation with the pastor, especially if the pastor is much older than she is and if he is not someone she would ever be attracted to if it were not for his power, age and authority over her. Pastoral sexual abuse doesn’t always occur due to transference. Sometimes it happens simply because the pastor is a sexual predator. The abuse is more than just a physical or emotional abuse. When a pastor (or elder or anyone seen as a spiritual leader in the church) betrays his sacred trust, it is spiritual abuse as well, spiritual adultery, if you will.

Clergy sexual abuse is many things. It is a relationship of trust that has been broken by sexual behavior. It is when one who is in a position of trust or power takes advantage of the person who is entrusted to his care. It is when someone who is supposed to help another takes advantage of her to satisfy his own selfish sexual or emotional needs. Abuse of power causes tremendous harm to both parties (and their respective families, the church, etc.), but especially the one whose trust (and body) has been violated.

A quote from Sex in the Forbidden Zone by Peter Rutter, M.D. states, “A sexually abusive pastor can easily exploit his authority by telling the woman that their “sexual relationship” is part of a divinely ordained plan.” 

How many women must feel entirely compelled to “go along with” whatever this pastor desires simply because he says it’s the Lord’s will! This should never be! We are each responsible for knowing our Bibles and knowing what the Lord’s will is and what is acceptable behavior to Him. 

To make matters even worse, the victim usually feels responsible for the abuser’s career, his family, the church family, maybe even his life if he has threatened suicide if the “relationship” is broken off.

Note: This site is written with the assumption that most (some studies show 96%) victims are women and most pastors/clergy are men. The information contained here is not gender-specific and we do recognize that women are capable of abuse and that men may be vulnerable in certain circumstances. 

We also recognize the fact that some women do seek to seduce their pastors and that, at times, the pastors may succumb to this temptation. This, however, in no way lessons the pastor’s responsibility (or guilt if he falls) to protect the woman (even if only from herself) and to maintain proper boundaries. The person with the power, whether it be the pastor, a teacher, a therapist, etc., is ALWAYS the one with the highest responsibility and accountability.