In Loving Memory—Kimberley S. (Herndon) Degenaars

Friday night I received news that one of our dear friends, Kimberley Degenaars, had passed away suddenly on September 9, 2020, and her husband Ingmar—devastated by the shock and loss of his best friend—had just reached out to make sure I’d heard the news. I hadn’t. In fact, the last post I’d seen from Kim was her talking about how much she was looking forward to vacation with her husband. The news of her sudden death stunned and saddened me.

 

Known as Kim to me, we met in a unique way. She reached out to The Hope of Survivors on October 25, 2003, for help. She had been sexually abused by her pastor, whom she was meeting for weekly counseling sessions to help her with the abuse she suffered as a child. As an adult and a single mother of three children, she was very vulnerable and fell prey to this predator pastor’s evil intentions.

 

I had the privilege of ministering to Kim and helping her heal, by God’s grace, from the pain of the clergy sexual abuse, as well as helping her work through some of the pain and anger over her childhood abuse. I can recall sending care packages to her and her kids at times just to try to help in some way and to bring them some encouragement. Life was difficult for them, to say the least.

In August 2004, Steve and I presented our first Hope & Healing Conference for victims of clergy sexual abuse in Ohio. Kim had asked if she could be a part of it in some way, and we had agreed to have her share a bit of her story and talk about the legal procedure for filing a complaint and how that process worked in her case. Kim spoke eloquently and knowledgeably at the conference and it gave her a sense of taking her own power back and being a blessing to others who now found themselves being abused by their spiritual leaders. Here is what Kim wrote to me after the conference:

 

“Thanks to both of you, Samantha and Steve, for providing me the opportunity to attend your Hope & Healing Conference in Ohio. It was the first time I’d been around anyone who had gone through the experience of clergy sexual abuse as I had and it was bittersweet for me. I thank you for your compassion and your true love that you showed all of us. I applaud you for your willingness to address this issue in a forthright manner and for allowing God to guide you in providing this much-needed ministry. I also want to thank you for the support you have given and continue to give me. It was a true blessing being around everyone and sharing our experiences. I also want to thank you for letting your emotions flow when speaking of your own experience. My hope is to one day join your ministry and provide hope to others, as you have, through my own experience, and I pray to God to one day bring an end to CSA through all of us in speaking out, standing up, educating churches and congregations, and for all to do as God would have us do to clean up what needs to be cleaned up so that churches may be a truly safe haven…what God had intended. God Bless You and all in the continued healing journey.”

 

I want to honor Kim through this message today. Kim was a beautiful, brave woman as well as a transplant recipient. She endured horrific abuse at the hands of her parents and then from her pastor whom she trusted.

 

Despite the trauma of abuse, she raised three incredible children and, in 2012, she married the love of her life, Ingmar Degenaars. Kim would often tell me how good Ingmar was to her, how much she loved him and how safe she felt with him. It was a blessing for me to know Kim was happy after so many years of heartache and pain. I know God used Ingmar to bless her in the final years of her life, and it brought me great joy to know she finally had some peace and joy in her life.

 

Aside from the conference in 2004, Kim was never able to get more involved with The Hope of Survivors as she desired. She and Ingmar, however, proved to be a tremendous blessing to another victim who reached out to us for help in 2012 when they provided airline tickets for her and her children to leave an abusive situation and get to a safe place. Kim was an advocate for the oppressed and abused and she was not afraid to fight for justice.

 

I will miss her smile, her gentle and sometimes feisty spirit, and her friendship. Rest in peace, dear Kim. One day soon, Jesus will return and you will receive a new body and will never experience pain, sorrow, abuse or death again.

 

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.”—Revelation 21:4-5

 

I share this with you, dear reader, as some of you may remember having met or communicated with Kim, and others may simply be blessed by the testimony of her life and the ministry of The Hope of Survivors.

 

God bless you,

Samantha Nelson

CEO