Dear Friends,

Convicted sexual predator Bill Cosby recently emerged from prison, triumphantly flashing a peace sign to the world. His unexpected release launched a firestorm of protest from abuse victims everywhere (and others who have a conscience).

What could be worse? Clergy sexual abuse and the failure to facilitate accountability is much worse.

You see, Cosby postured as a trustworthy media father figure—but he didn’t abuse in the name of God. Women didn’t come to him hoping to get help from heaven for their family or personal struggles.

Clergy predators, by contrast, lure victims who are seeking spiritual guidance and counseling from a trusted and supposedly trustworthy man of God (most clergy abusers are male). Whether motivated through sociopathic exploitation or porn-fueled lust, these wolves in sheep’s clothing pray with you for the sake of preying upon your body. Victims of their grooming process didn’t approach them seeking a sexual relationship. They just wanted to discover God’s solution from a spiritual leader who ended up treating them like the devil.

Grooming is an insidious entrapment of spiritual seduction, explained and described on our website (www.thehopeofsurvivors.org). If you found yourself attracted to the pastor who abused you, it was likely the result of his grooming.

An incestuous dimension of clergy sexual abuse makes it all the worse. Many victims of clergy sexual abuse had been victimized by their biological father or other paternal figure. Victims are taught (through misapplication of Scripture) to regard their pastors as spiritual fathers worthy of unquestioned submission, trust and secrecy.

When a clergy predator’s deceptions are discovered, he typically blames parishioner victims for seducing him from his high and holy intentions. Most (if not all) church members will believe their pastor and join him in pointing the finger of blame at the victim. Thus clergy sexual abuse victims lose not only the spiritual father they came to love and trust but often also the support of their closest friends in God’s family—who rally around his defense.

Suddenly, your prayer partners may no longer want you in their prayer circle. Small group members may shun you.

Whatever problems that originally inspire victims to seek counseling remain unresolved and inevitably made worse. CSA victims often lose their husbands, who can’t understand how a faithful wife could submit to a secretive sexual relationship with the pastor, blaming them or even divorcing them. In such cases, CSA victims usually lose the continual companionship of their children.

With everybody else blaming and shunning them, victims may conclude God has abandoned them. Suicide may seem the only way out. Many victims of CSA are harassed by suicidal ideations. (If you are considering ending your life, I urge you to call the National Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255 without delay.)

Three times in my pastoral career I’ve followed predator pastors (1976 in rural West Virginia, 1980 in suburban Los Angeles and 2002 in Canada while pursuing part-time graduate studies). I did my best to facilitate healing for victims of the predators who preceded me. My Doctor of Ministry supervisor was helpful—she had earned her own doctorate at Princeton University ministering to female victims of religious sexual predators. Barbara mentored me in understanding CSA victims and how to serve you.

The turning point, she observed, happens when victims discover that Jesus Himself on the cross also suffered abuse, being disbelieved, mocked, stripped, and finally rejected by the religious community. So Jesus knows what CSA victims are going through because He also suffered
physical/emotional/spiritual abuse from religious leaders and their followers.

Barbara discovered that the “aha! moment” for CSA victims comes when they realize God is on the side of victims—not those who abuse in His name. He is not pleased or deceived by their tactics. He has a millstone (Matthew 18:6) waiting to hang around the necks of abusers who refuse to repent, confess and make reparations to their victims.

Furthermore, the abuse Jesus suffered on the cross wasn’t the end of His story. He rose from the dead in power and glory, ascending to Heaven where He now takes care of His suffering people. So you can “cast all your care upon Him, because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). We at The Hope of Survivors also care about you.

I learned about THOS after reporting my doctoral research to a group of pastors in 2007. Steve and Samantha Nelson were in the audience. Afterward, they approached me enthusiastically and said what they heard from me was consistent with their own experience and understanding. They said what I shared could be helpful for their clients, inviting me to join the staff of THOS volunteers. For the past 14 years I’ve been privileged to support Steve and Samantha. Now as a retired hospital chaplain, I’m looking forward to serving you more.

Yours in the healing love of God,
Martin
Pastor Martin Weber, DMin
Board Member of THOS