Pastors’ Wives Division Update—April 2021

by Jackie Jeldwyn

Why the Pastors’ Wives Division?
Some clergy sexual abuse victims have expressed consternation upon initially hearing that The Hope of Survivors offers support to the wives of morally fallen pastors (including sexually abusive, pornography addicted, and violent behavior toward spouse and children). Isn’t that a bit like consorting with the adversary? Isn’t the pastor’s wife often complicit in protecting the predatory pastor from the just consequences of his victimization of the flock?

Indeed, the wife of the morally fallen pastor very often does seek to hide or otherwise enable the congregational abuse committed by her husband, while his anguishing victim(s) struggle to grasp: “How can she do that and live with herself?”

Why would any pastor’s wife respond so obliviously to the torment of her sister(s) or brother(s) in Christ?

Sadly, the pastor’s wife is too often deceived by her manipulative husband into naively believing that he is the real victim—of an aggressive seducer! Other times, the pastor’s wife may be deceived by his glib assurances that he has repented and will “never do it again.” Additionally, he may attempt to guilt his wife into silence with quotes of “Love covers a multitude of sin.” In some cases, the pastor’s wife may experience concerns of financial and/or reputational ruin if she reports her husband, resulting in him being fired from his pastorate and leaving her poorer and feeling shamed. Or she may be in a state of shock and genuinely confused and befuddled as to what is the Godly path forward in her situation. There are other cases where the pastor’s wife frankly covets her ministry leadership role as the wife of a pastor and therefore resists any path that might hinder her own opportunities for such service.

Yet The Hope of Survivors commits to zero tolerance of clergy sexual abuse. Thus, within that zero-tolerance framework, our Pastors’ Wives Division offers Bible-based, confidential and empathetic peer support for pastors’ wives whose husbands have surrendered to any sort of serious sin. We urge the impacted pastor’s wife to immediately report her husband’s transgressions; we make sure she is physically safe, while we also seek to aid the pastor’s wife in recognizing the spousal lies and deceptions common to these situations. We stand beside her as she pursues a Godly path forward. At the same time, we strive to help the pastor’s wife to deeply empathize with the victims of her husband’s sins—and to fully recognize that those persons—not her husband—are the genuine victims.

Can You Help?
The COVID pandemic has significantly limited opportunities for our Pastors’ Wives Division outreach and recruiting. Planned events had to be cancelled. Yet we deeply desire to increase our outreach going forward. However, increasing our capacity to serve will require additional volunteers. We are currently seeking several seasoned, devout pastors’ wives—or former pastors’ wives—who share a shepherdess’ heart, a desire to reach out to comfort and encourage other pastors’ wives, and a willingness to commit to The Hope of Survivors’ zero tolerance of clergy sexual abuse. If you, or perhaps someone you know, may be interested in this rewarding volunteer opportunity, please contact us.