What Churches Need to Understand

When a pastor has violated his sacred trust by taking advantage of a congregant, the church often wonders what to do and how to respond. Unfortunately, all too often, the church does not respond in a manner that is helpful to either the victim or the pastor. Below are some suggested guidelines to be adopted in order to help facilitate healing for all.

1. Recognize that the pastor has violated his sacred authority and trust. This must be understood in order to prevent blaming the victim and re-victimizing her. Women who have been sexually abused by their pastors feel betrayed, not only by the pastor and the church, but by God. The pastor is the one she looked to for spiritual guidance and direction. If he led her in the wrong direction, claiming that it was God’s will for them to be together (or whatever else he may be trying to get her to do), she may have perceived it as God leading her in a wrong direction (or a direction she hitherto believed to be wrong) and become very confused. If she cannot trust God, what can she do?

2. Take responsibility for the situation. A pastor who has sinned in this regard has proven that he is no longer capable of performing the sacred duties pertaining to a minister of the Gospel. Adultery is a violation of the 7th Commandment. It must never be permitted in a pastor—a man who stands in the pulpit as a representative of Christ. It is shameful!

3. Talk to the victim and her family. Have compassion for her and her family. Listen to her; find out how to bring about spiritual, emotional and physical healing. What are her emotional and financial needs? Does she need counseling? Does her family need counseling? Setting up a once weekly counseling session for a period of one year (at no cost to her) should help the victim to see that her needs are being addressed. We mention financial needs as most victims, at some point during or after the abuse, incur financial loss and sometimes a total devastation. This type of abuse is so emotionally devastating that some women (and even their husbands) may be unable to perform in their jobs for quite some time during and after the abuse. The church has a responsibility to assist the victim in getting back on her feet financially, if this is the case.

4. One of the most important things to a victim is to be heard, understood, comforted and believed. She did not make this up.* She feels horrible about it and most likely feels she, alone, is to blame.

* On rare occasions, there are some women who lie in order to destroy a high-profile pastor. The key point here is that it is rare, very rare.

5. The church, as a whole, cannot afford to go into denial about this crisis. Covering it up, moving the pastor to another church, turning against the victim are all improper and detrimental ways to handle this situation. The church should not be concerned about avoiding liability and financial loss. This hurts everyone and only prolongs the healing process for all. Most victims would never think to file a suit against the church if they were treated with respect and dignity, listened to and comforted. Most women in these situations do not wish to bring harm to the church, their pastor, his family or anyone else. The main reason lawsuits are filed is because no one within the church hierarchy or congregation would listen or take appropriate action. Lawsuits are virtually always a victim’s last resort in order to be heard and helped to heal. As a church, as children of God, we are to be concerned about souls, not financial loss.

In some states, it is a criminal offense for a pastor to have a “relationship” with a congregant. It is ususally possible for a civil suit to be filed against the pastor and/or the church, even if a criminal suit is not an available option. (The Hope of Survivors does not give advice one way or another regarding legal issues because they can be far too complicated and very damaging at times to the victims. We are aware of several women at this time who are in civil suits with their former abusive pastors, and it has been very hard on them emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually. At the same time, we recognize and empathize with the individual’s need to see her pastor stop abusing herself and others. Whether a lawsuit is filed or not, it is always right for the pastor to be held accountable for his actions.)

6. Recognize the responsibility to the victim, the congregation, the pastor, the pastor’s wife (and family) and the community. (Responsibility to the victim has been addressed above.)